WORDS OF WISDOM FROM PRENATAL CLASS

This is what we’ve learned in prenatal classes so far…

·      how to cook brown rice – jasmine rice is its inferior sibling apparently

·      us women are doing an incredible job and should remind ourselves of this daily. I remind Gregory instead, I’m well aware I’m incredible.

·      Vacuuming is banned for women incubating humans. I hope mopping is included in that since it’s a fairly similar activity. I hate mopping. I’d rather scrub a toilet with a toothbrush.

·      Miso soup is excellent during labour, but don’t let this be the first time you try it. It is certainly an acquired taste. I’m going to stick with ice blocks like my friend suggested. I know I like them.

·      Mothers need to conserve their energy during labour, use your partner’s instead.

·      Chinese women are idolized post-birth. They don’t do anything for forty days and someone feeds them an old chicken. (It is full of lots of goodness apparently).

·      Do your pelvic floor exercises or you’ll be very sorry. (Just writing this reminds me that I haven’t done them since last time she cautioned us, so if you don’t object, I’ll do them now. Clench…hold…breathe…relax. Repeat ten times).

·      If you want your partner to help ladies, don’t criticise them. If the nappy falls off so what. They’ll work it out.

·      Cabbage is excellent for mastitis. Just line your bra with a leaf and when it’s soaked, replace and repeat.

·      Breast milk is the best cure for babies with gluey eyes. I don’t know if gluey eyes is the technical term, but it’s the one the midwife used.

·      Babies are very smart. I'm not sure if the midwife meant smart in general or smarter than its parents.

·      Japanese women wear belly belts throughout their pregnancy and have much better posture than westerners. Maybe so, but I hate things on my waist as it is and since I now don’t have one, I’m not going to replace it with a sumo-wrestling style contraption that looks like it would cause more discomfort than my current back pain.

·       Omega 3 has been proven to help with depression, so I’ve bought myself a massive box of them in the hopes I can do my best to avoid ye olde post-natal blues.

·      Eat yoghurt if you or the baby’s father suffers from allergies.

·      Go with your flow. This seems to be the best piece of advice yet. Feel free to take any of the above and use it to make your life easier.