WHAT DO MIRANDA KERR AND I HAVE IN COMMON?

Nothing, except we were both in David Jones today.

I know it’s a rubbish photo but I didn’t want to get any closer for fear I caught some of her foundation.

She was wearing A LOT.

Then again her face was completely unblemished while I was sporting a bloodied scab from a squeezed pimple right on the end of my rather substantial schnoz.

I don’t frequent DJ’s too often and that is not going to change as long as I’m accompanied by Q and her chariot, because every entrance of their street level begins with a set of stairs.

Of course they have that annoying drive-on lift thing for people in wheelchairs, but I’m shopping with the double handicap of a/ hating shopping and b/ lacking patience, so I just pick up all ten kilos of Q plus a few for her chariot, lug the thing up the stairs and continue on my way.

I don’t know what Miranda was doing in DJ’s (she looked a little irritated and bored if you ask me) but I was there to buy Miss Q a new hat because the one she currently wears is dually successful in both completely blocking her vision and simultaneously providing absolutely no protection whatsoever.

It is a total design FAIL.

I think they styled it on a butternut pumpkin instead of a human head.

Imagine a hat on that.

While I was there, I also picked her up a pair of sunglasses because she has Welsh-Irish-Melanoma-High-Alert heritage and as a responsible parent I felt compelled to do so.

But I’ll tell you something for nothing, they don’t do much for her looks, (They bamboozle her a bit - she doesn’t know where to look, so she rolls her head around a bit like a blinded fly) and I suspect the wearing of such things will cause an immediate cessation to the current stream of compliments I receive about my girl.

Although let’s be real, no one’s actually going to come up to you and tell you your kid is ugly.

Are they?

Miranda had gone by the time I’d finished my shopping, which was a shame, I would have gladly shared my table while I breastfed Q in public, because upon closer consideration, I do have something in common with Megan Gale.

No, no, it’s not the breastfeeding in stilettos, she stole that idea from me.

Nor is it the drug-free labour. I did that too, although that could also be because it happened too fast for me to even ask about medical intervention.

Ditto getting back into her size negative clothes.

Yeah, same.

I didn’t even have to move out of mine. I just wore my designer hipsters and an extra-long singlet made for me by the same designer Heidi Klum used when she was pregnant.

No, no, the thing we have in common is far more significant.

Real life changing stuff…

Our kid’s names rhyme.

Oooooooooooooooooh folks, what do you think that means???