The twelve points of 4 weeks of parenting
1. sleeping for 4 hours in total is an excellent outcome
2. moving out of the marital bed to sleep squashed up on the couch with my marsupial/pterodactyl is now the norm
3. sitting in undies soaked with my daughters wee for a few hours until I can manage five seconds for a wash is entirely normal
4. soft cheeses
6. making up songs to narrate my new life. Current hits include; ‘things aren’t as bad as you’re making them seem,’ ‘you’re just fussing,’ and the ever popular ‘you’re awake again my darling child.’
7. Mothers group…that is a lot of oestrogen in one room, but so far it’s not overly offensive
8. 99% of the affection that used to be directed towards my husband is now focused exclusively on our new tenant
9. one-handed typing – how am I going?
10. Greeting dawn for 29 days straight. In case you’re wondering, it’s quite beautiful
11. Almost daily jaunts to cafes with similarly situated women. If you’d asked when I lived in New York, I’m not sure I could have envisaged the scene!
12. Qualified or not, bumbling or absolute precision, I am completely and utterly immersed in this parenting gig and loving every second of it, even points 1, 3 and 10