What I've learned so far. May my misfortune be to your benefit...
· Even if they writhe on floor like a fish out of water, semi-mobile babies can actually move further than you think. Mind the plants.
· Dressing them is like trying to put a cat in a hessian sack. There is no solution to this but to have all the clothes already prepared and to sing louder than they yell.
· Tupperware is an absolute hit. Big favourites are those things that juice lemons, though I’ve no idea why we own one, I don’t think I’ve ever used one in real life.
· Babies who reject the bottle will also likely reject cups with sippy-things on them. Just go straight to the cup. Which means water will end up all over them, you and the floor but at least they’re not yelling at you.
· Vests are great for winter as they’re easy to put on a baby whose arms move so frantically you think you’re dressing an octopus.
· They’re narcissistic little buggers. Give ‘em a mirror and they’ll gaze at themselves for ages.
· Hair pulling is apparently a really fun activity. Try and remember to tie back long hair before breastfeeding.
· Watch out for flailing limbs during a midnight tantrum. A double-footed boxing kangaroo kick to the sternum will really hurt in the morning.
· There is an unfortunate angle when you’re holding babies on their side that is almost guaranteed to cause a leaker of the nappy if they wee. Again, nothing to be done but a total outfit change for all involved.
· Everything passes. They can’t not sleep forever. They can’t cry for twenty-four hours straight. It just feels like they can. But if all else fails…
· Remember that if you have a glass of wine while you’re breastfeeding there’s no way the alcohol can get to them. You are safe. Drink away.