SYDNEY'S PRIVATE SCHOOLS...WHERE TO SEND MISS Q???

‘Are we sending Q to a private school?’ Gregory asks me the other day.

‘Not unless you’ve got a spare $20 000 a year.’

‘Wow. That’s a lot of money.’

‘Yes it is.’

‘Should we start saving then? Is that what we should do?’

‘No. We should trust in the government’s ability to educate our child and send her to the local public school.’

But just out of curiosity, I investigated a couple of private schools to see what the going rate of teaching my kid reed and rite was.

Kambala suggested you make an appointment to tour the school and fill out a form that digs far into your personal life to expose any undesirable qualities that would deem your child unsuitable for a place within their hallowed halls.

SCEGGS Darlinghurst had an online payment form but didn’t say how much you had to give ‘em. I guess if you have to ask you can’t afford it right?

Same deal Wenona, but I’m not that serious about researching something I’ve got no intention of following through on, as to bother filling out their online forms or contacting the registrar or the bursar.

Although I do love those words.

Bursar.

It has such a ring to it don’t you think?

Kincoppal were the only ones brave enough to post their fees. 

$13 860 just for kindergarten. 

I’d want Miss Q to be reading Homer by the end of the year for that amount.

Unfortunately for Q, our funds just don’t extend to such expenditure, so we’ve begun a saving policy that involves anyone we know, but most prominently features her father.

It’s called The Blue Q Jar.

The jar for collecting the fines you pay every time you drop a swear word in front of Miss Q.

Her father is a chef. Swearing is how those tattooed, ex-smoking, late night workers converse.

The F-bomb is his favourite adjective.

Actually he also manages to make it a noun, an adverb, a preposition and a conjunction too.

So I implemented the policy of zero tolerance.

$1 for average swear words and blasphemy

$2 for the F-bomb

Automatic $10 for the C-word, which would also probably get you a whack from me. I hate that word.

You can’t make a deposit for the evening and then just go for it.

There are no I.O.U’s.

And it still counts even if you don’t think she’s listening.

It’s turning out to be a rather profitable scheme.

At this rate Q will be going to the finest and most elite school in the nation.