Sunday, July 31, 2011


 What I've learned so far. May my misfortune be to your benefit...

·               Even if they writhe on floor like a fish out of water, semi-mobile babies can actually move further than you think.  Mind the plants.
·                Dressing them is like trying to put a cat in a hessian sack. There is no solution to this but to have all the clothes already prepared and to sing louder than they yell.
·               Tupperware is an absolute hit. Big favourites are those things that juice lemons, though I’ve no idea why we own one, I don’t think I’ve ever used one in real life.
·               Babies who reject the bottle will also likely reject cups with sippy-things on them. Just go straight to the cup. Which means water will end up all over them, you and the floor but at least they’re not yelling at you.
·               Vests are great for winter as they’re easy to put on a baby whose arms move so frantically you think you’re dressing an octopus.
·               They’re narcissistic little buggers. Give ‘em a mirror and they’ll gaze at themselves for ages.
·               Hair pulling is apparently a really fun activity. Try and remember to tie back long hair before breastfeeding.
·               Watch out for flailing limbs during a midnight tantrum. A double-footed boxing kangaroo kick to the sternum will really hurt in the morning.
·               There is an unfortunate angle when you’re holding babies on their side that is almost guaranteed to cause a leaker of the nappy if they wee. Again, nothing to be done but a total outfit change for all involved.
·               Everything passes. They can’t not sleep forever. They can’t cry for twenty-four hours straight. It just feels like they can. But if all else fails…
·               Remember that if you have a glass of wine while you’re breastfeeding there’s no way the alcohol can get to them. You are safe. Drink away.


  1. I used to do the last one too! Would hold my wine glass with child on the boob knowing there wasn't a direct link from my throat to my milk ducts.

  2. I know, makes such a bad look for anyone not in the know, but for us 'professionals' it's totally acceptable!


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