‘How are you feeling?’ I said to a newly pregnant friend of mine.
‘Great. Starving but great.’
‘It’s unbelievable isn’t it?’
‘It’s incredible, I just want to eat everything. And anything. Over and over and over.’
I nod my understanding. ‘Has the narcolepsy hit yet?’
|They modelled this anime on me|
‘Is that when you want to have sex with dead people? No, that hasn’t happened to me yet.’
Lucky for her, I’ve handed on all the books well-meaning friends gave to me.
Read a couple of chapters out of a few of those beauties and having sex with dead people will be the least of her concerns.
Here are just a few of the things I don’t miss about growing my own human:
· Narcolepsy. Seriously. I was like a horse; I could fall asleep standing up if that was the only way available.
· The vomit feeling. That really wasn’t fun. Reassuring I suppose, but still not very fun.
· Forgetfulness. Although I’m surprised I can even remember how good my memory used to be, because even after I evicted Miss Q, it has never come back.
· Pre-labour. 4 weeks of it. I was so ruined, the real deal seemed like a blessed relief. Sort of. Ok, I’m lying, not at all. But at least then it was over.
· Fluid retention. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t flatter anyone.
· Enduring labour stories from total strangers on buses.
· Being told I might haemorrhage to death because I’m a red head. (Not, I should mention, by a medical professional). The problem is, you’re so pregnant you can’t run away from the crazies fast enough.
· Soft cheese.
· Not being able to run. Although I was trying anything by the end and even jogged 10k’s two days before I was due. She still didn’t budge. Little buggar.
· Champagne. She is my very good friend and I miss her dearly.
· Nightmares. They were brutal.
· The sex-guess game. For the record, everyone who lodged a vote except for the old bloke who works in the funeral parlour on the corner was wrong. We had a girl.
Ugh. That’ll do. Anymore pondering of how Miss Q came to be, and she’ll never be joined by a sibling.
And that wouldn’t do at all.
For more stories of growing Miss Q, check out the peanut baby blog