MARY POPPINS, TUMBLE TURNS AND NEAR-PERFECT DAYS

Today was one of those rare, magnificent days.

Miss Q and I awoke, not too early, not too late and had a morning visit from one of her Uncles, which saw her smiling and singing by 7.30am.

The three of us mooched up to her father’s cafe to join a friend for breakfast where Q threw egg, rockmelon and vegemite toast about the place while listening to her pterodactyl noise echo off the walls.

Food and singing. What more could a girl need.

Q and I ambled home a bit later and she explored the grass while I hung out the washing.

Then, like a perfect child, took a nap for AN HOUR AND A HALF!!!

Not that I was there to enjoy such free time, as I was busy being cut by the important people behind the casting desk at the replacement call for Mary Poppins.

As if auditions aren’t hard enough without having to also be the same height, size, voice type and abilities as whomever it is they’re trying to replace.

So I’ve decided the person leaving is a short, big boobed, tightrope-walking soprano and that’s why they cut me.

It couldn’t possibly be because I wasn’t good enough.

How absurd.

Miss Q napping meant I couldn’t do a warm up, so I walked into the audition and serenaded the traffic as I crossed the Anzac Bridge.

Sun shining, water glistening, air warm and not-too-polluted and there I was singing my songs at the top of my lungs.

Knowing that my baby girl was sleeping at home makes that scenario nigh on perfect.

After the not-so-perfect audition I returned home to hear the divine Miss Q chatting away to our family-friend-landlord-Q-sitter, telling him everything that was on her mind.

Turns out they’d had a delightful couple of hours. They’d returned to Gregory’s café for lunch where this time she’d decorated the floor and walls with avocado on toast, plain yoghurt and a few stray bits of apple.

They’d played on the floor – well, Q writhed about, tried to crawl and generally made a grab for everything dangerous or inappropriate.

They’d gone for a walk, Miss Q pushed along in her chariot, waving at everyone she passes as she still assumes the whole world revolves around her.

And – of course - they’d done lots of talking. 

Q always has a fair bit to say.

After I inhaled some lunch and our family-friend-landlord-Q-sitter returned downstairs, Q and I headed over to the local pool for a swim.

A delightful walk along the bay run to get there, Miss Q napping peacefully under her hat while we did, and a good forty-five minutes practicing our tumble turns in the baby pool.

We are so ready for next year’s Olympics.

A lovely sun drenched walk home, Miss Q threw her dinner about while I prepared ours, a bath where she told her fish and duck friends about her swim, a lengthy feed and bed.

Yeah sure, I got another rejection (if you combine my literary and musical ones I think that makes the fifth for the past week alone).

But it was a magnificent day, my girl is just about the coolest thing I could ever imagine and every moment we share together fills my heart with more joy and happiness than any opening night or publishing deal ever could.

It’d still be nice to test the theory though...

TIZZIE HALL WOULD NOT BE MY FRIEND

My dear friend, the mother of Master W gave me Tizzie Hall’s Save Our Sleep the other day.

So far it is doing an excellent job of collecting dust on my bedside table.

Not because I can’t read but because I don’t want to read it.

I have a sneaking suspicion the first chapter is going to go something like this:

‘Naomi. Come on. The problem here is not Q, it’s you. 

Take a look at yourself. You know what you’re doing don’t you? 

You’re still giving her that 3am feed. 

The 3am feed that happens anywhere between 1.43am and 3.27am largely because you haven’t tried to stop it. 

She’s over six months now, she doesn’t need it. Time to cut it out. 

And don’t even get me started on the subject of co-sleeping.’

But I think it’s misnamed. I don’t call it co-sleeping.

I call it ‘I can’t be arsed staying up and putting her back in bed, it’s easier just to toss her a nipple and get back to the business of sleeping’ sleeping, and honestly I can’t imagine why more people aren’t doing it.

Am I the only one who’s taking the path of least resistance?

Don’t answer that question.

As another dear friend pointed out, she thinks the problem lies with us not with our girls.

It’s just that every time I plan to give the axing of the 3am feed a go, something monstrous gets in the way.

·               Gregory with his man cold

·               Gregory with his slipped disc

·               Gregory working 6 days a week – lets face it, it’s going to have to be Gregory who gets up to her. She’ll smell equal parts milk and weakness on me in two seconds flat.

·               Auditions. I need the most sleep I can get to be able to concentrate on dance routines these days, so if this means letting us both dose while Miss Q has my nipple in her mouth, so be it.

·               Weekends away. You can hardly ask a kid to change their routine, then change the new routine on them mid-change.

·               Laziness. Lets be honest. This is the major reason for sure.

The worst part about this is that my friend gave me this book. 

Which means she doesn’t need it anymore. 

Because she’s given up the 3am feed.

And I haven’t.

Ho hum.

Like most things in life…

I’ve only got myself to blame.

WHY I SHOULD NEVER GO BACK TO WORK – AN ARGUMENT IN THE AFFIRMATIVE

On Gregory’s last day off work, I arranged to leave Miss Q to tutor a lovely young lady who is down to the final few for the title role in the upcoming Australian production of Annie.

(Go Em Go. Belt the be-jesus out of that song) 

I tell ya, that is a tough rep for anyone, let along a ten year old.

Upon my return, not two hours later, Gregory loudly proclaims that while I was gone Miss Q crawled.

I did not see it therefore it did not happen.

I do not get to do 

98% of the crappy nappy changes, 

100% of the crappy nappy washes, 

90% of the baths (not G’s fault owing to his back), 

97% of the whinges, 
100% of the night-time wake-ups (also not G’s fault as he is our financial backer and needs his rest for work and she is a breastfed baby) 

87% of the food preparation and 

96% of the tantrums 

and not get the good stuff.

Her first word – suitably – was Mama. But I am somewhat aware that it is also her favourite vowel and consonant combo and therefore not a certainty that she is saying my name, but rather just her usual nonsensical babble.

Still, I’ll take it.

She says it far more often than Dada.

Ha. So there, Gregory.

I expect her first steps to be straight into her mother’s loving arms.

Her first hug to be around my neck.

Her first ‘I love you’ directly to my face.

I am the person she shall miss most on her first sleepover.

My name is the one she shall utter when she trips over on the skipping rope at school.

My voice is the one her head shall turn for when surrounded by a group of adults.

I grew her. I carried her. I protected her. I birthed her.

I am her mother and she is my girl.

In further attempts to find haphazard employment this week I…

·               was rejected by Random House because my manuscript doesn’t fit their line-up. (Which is publishing speak for ‘you suck.’ It’s just like when you audition and they say ‘thank you’ which really means ‘sod off and don’t quit your waitressing job’).

·               Went to a casting for a wine ad – momentarily getting confused between Jacob’s Creek the wine and Dawson’s Creek the TV show and making myself look a little foolish. Then having my chances further sabotaged by being forced to audition with Australia’s version of Arnold Schwarzenegger without the Kennedy connection.

·               Accidentally submitted to an agency twice, thereby making myself look like a total try-hard loser and ensuring being black-listed by that particular firm.

·               Forgot the password for my online audition places and then ran out of no-Q time to fix the problem before she awoke.

·               Tried to do fancy-pancy cross-linking commenting with my blog to other blogger sites, which is apparently the best way build traffic, but probably just made me piss them off and look like the total novice that I am.

All of which leads me to believe quite strongly that I should in fact remain the fulltime carer to the divine Miss Q and never go back to work ever again.

Have you ever heard a more convincing argument for unemployment?

LEADERSHIP - ANDREA CULLIGAN TELLS MISS Q HOW IT'S REALLY DONE

A little while ago I mentioned I would be interviewing Andrea Culligan, CEO of Unimail, one of the speakers at this year’s Women, Management and Work Conference, to take place on the 28^th and 29^th of July through Macquarie University.

Andrea has won a swath of awards, (including Telstra Young Businesswoman of the Year 2009) chased robbers, breathed fire, worked as a deckhand, lived in Coober Pedy and has a passion for singing.

I like her already.

I’ve been variously employed as a choreographer, a director, a whore, a nun, a cow, a wolf and a dancing plate. I’m also a mum, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a colleague, a writer and a friend.

Professionally we don’t have much in common, but Andrea’s insight into leadership, women’s roles and navigating a road through today’s cultural climate still resonated with me, as I’m sure it will with you somewhere along your way.

Enjoy…       

N            Your company Unimail, works in graduation attraction and engagement.

You connect students with employers.

When did you first see the need for such a niche market and how did you begin your company?

A         Funnily enough – it really didn’t start out that way.  Unimail started out as a web based email service for students.  This was before Hotmail, Gmail etc.

We initially started with one publication – backed by a jobs site and 11 years later, we’ve had over 25 products and services in the business.

N            That would require a huge amount of self-belief and stamina. How did/do you keep going when the road gets rough?

A            I’ve had my fair share of life experiences that have provided me with the tools to just pick myself up and get on with it. 

That’s not to say I’m always awesome at these times, I struggle with keeping a neutral tone when it’s all going a little pear shaped.

It’s not easy, it never is, but you just have to keep on trucking if it means something to you.

N            True that. I am the tortoise. I’ll get there one day. Slow and steady…

N            You are a leader, a team player, an initiator, a developer, a karaoke singer and a whale watcher. What else would you like to try?

A            Anything.  I believe the world is most definitely your classroom and there is so much to learn from just about anything.  I’ve been really enjoying tapping into a more creative side of my life. I would also like to get more involved with property development.

N          Ah, property development. The way to go in Sydney town. Not that I know this from personal experience of course, just from observance.

N      You’ll be speaking at this year’s Women, Management and Work Conference about the fast track to leadership.

Miss Q seems to be on it already, what are your hints for a quick ascent?

A      In my opinion there aren’t any quick tricks/tips or fixes to leadership.  I do believe in about 8 key things that I’ve learnt over the years that I wish I knew from the outset:

1)    Understand that status means nothing.

2)    Self awareness is key in understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Being true to what you’re great at and praising others for being assets to your weaknesses can show you understand how you lead a team and help others to accept themselves as well.

3)    Set high expectations for yourself by setting goals for yourself. Do not expect what you are not willing to do yourself.

4)    Remember that education does not finish in a classroom.

5)    Challenge and test everything.

6)    Make a lot of mistakes – and learn from every single one of them.

7)    Your path may not come in the package you initially set out.  Be open to new ideas and opportunities as it may lead you to something greater than you initially imagined.

8)    Sometimes being a leader isn’t always the top job – collaboration is key so understand when you need to lead and when you need to follow.

N            People always bang on about ‘work-life balance’.

I’ve read of your love for physical activity and singing. A lady after my own heart. Are these the yins to your professional yang?

A            The old work life balance thing hey?  I have struggled with this sentiment for years.  When I did biathlons, and rowed surf boats, I was training 2-4 hours a day – that was my priority then and my business was second in line.  Most recently my business has taken precedence and therefore the other has suffered.

Work life balance is about LIFE which means sometimes it’s work and sometimes it’s life. 

Choose to have both in your life at different times.

N            There’s a word for people like you, you know…over-achievers. Biathlons indeed.

N            When I was first married, my husband took a job that moved us from one side of America to the other.

For our first month there, I wasn’t working and found the role of stay-at-home wife so uncomfortable I cried one day while I was in Target purchasing an iron.

Do you think the current generation is better at breaking down stereotypes than their predecessors? Do they have different expectations?

A            Interesting, I’m writing an article on this at the moment as in my peer group and particularly my age group of 30-40 years of age, I find that there is absolute equality in the “partnership”. During the week when I’m working 14 hours days, my husband cooks, cleans, walks the animals, and takes care of all domestic duties.

However, when he’s travelling with his business, working long hours, we switch and I cover the day to day. My peer group experiences similar occurrences.

N            You talk in your post on Mia Freedman’s blog Mamamia, your decision not to have a child at the moment, if at all. How has this prejudice presented itself in your professional life?

A            I don’t find it offensive but more of a surprise that it’s an expectation for me to have children and that I “haven’t lived”, “truly don’t know what life is” or “have no idea about being busy” until I have children. 

Perhaps they are all completely correct, but perhaps not, and I find it surprising that people assume my emotions or capabilities before I’ve had the opportunity to prove either way.

N            You can borrow Miss Q for a while if you like. I won’t charge you too much.

N            I spent many years in the States where mentors are a big thing in the professional world.

They love that word, mentor. Everyone has one.

Is this the case in Australia and what has been your experience? 

A            I actually haven’t had a dedicated mentor.  I find inspiration and advice from a variety of people in my peer group.  They all bring varied opinions, ideas and suggestions.  They also pick me up when I’ve fallen and that has been very special over the past few years.

N            I’ve never had one either.

They’re a bit thin on the ground in the world of musical theatre…anyone offering?

N            Fourteen hour work days, triathlons, vocal coaching, fire breathing…is there no end?

Please tell me you enjoy a good glass of red. In fact, what is your favourite wind-down beverage at the end of a long, hard day? 

A            If I had my way, a hot bath and either a beautiful glass of scotch or a divine SA red would be amazing. 

However, what I find the most rewarding is a walk in the park with my other half and the dog – and realistically that’s what happens more.

N             I’ve never had a real job. I’ve certainly never had a job where I have to wear a business outfit everyday. How many pinstriped skirts do you own Andrea?

No seriously, what is your fail-proof, knock-‘em-dead outfit that you pull out to take on the big guns?

A            I have a favourite Lisa Ho military inspired jacket and pencil skirt that I love to wear and makes me feel invincible.  However, a sharp pant suit in my opinion just knocks it out of the park every time. 

N            A pant suit. I’m getting one.

And I’m wearing it to my next audition even if it’s completely inappropriate.

N            I have a tenuous relationship with the word compromise.

Like many of my generation, I’d like it all – live overseas, but be close to my family. Raise a family but get back on the stage. Eat chocolate but stay in the size 8 jeans.

How do you tackle this dilemma?  

A            I don’t to be honest.  I struggle with guilt of just about everything.  Not giving enough to my spiritual side, then not giving enough to my professional side, then not calling my parents enough, not training enough, it goes on and on. 

I’m starting to just realize that I don’t have to be perfect and that there is a time for everything – perhaps just not all at once.

N            See, it’s not just new mums and Catholics that suffer from irrational guilt after all. What can you offer from your journey to those currently on the road?

A            I wish firstly that I was more accepting of all the crazy bits I have. I tried to be someone I’m not for a while and it got me nowhere.

          Be clear on your vision.

The values you start with will help you define what your business looks and acts like.

N            It’s so refreshing to get to that point in your life where you go;

‘Bugger it. I know who I am, what I stand for and what makes me tick. 

I’m accepting of the good parts and the bad and gee it feels good to be able to finally say that!’

N           Is there something in particular you wish you’d known before you began your climb?

A          Ask lots of questions! I felt I had to know everything and everyone and made a complete arse out of myself on a regular occurrence.

I would have loved to have understood that humility is quite attractive and that it made other people feel like they contributed to my growth.

N      Here's a question - do you like to travel? What is your ultimate holiday destination and why? 

A         I travel a truckload for work, I’m currently in Canada now!  I love travelling and in 5 years we plan to sail throughout the Mediterranean for 4 months – I’m definitely looking forward to that.  However, something I’d like to do next year is a 3-week food tour throughout East Asia – just cycling through little shanty towns trying all the local foods. 

N          My husband and I considered a moved to Vietnam before we left the States. Gregory would have worked for an American hotel and I was going to earn the big bucks volunteering for my favourite charity International Red Cross.

In the end, we decided to try to make a human instead.

N            A lot of us ladies are seriously burning the candle at both ends.

Most days I feel the flames licking my heels while simultaneously singeing my eyebrows. Do you take a herbal saviour, a daily potion to keep up your frantic pace? 

A            Yes it’s called red wine. 

No seriously, I’ve struggled with anxiety and panic disorder for years.  It’s not something I wish for anyone to go through, one of my saving graces throughout it all has been yoga.

N            Ah yoga. That old thing. 

            Yes, yes I will concede it is great for you and I do partake, (upon occasion) but the lycra, the smelly rooms and the spontaneous-stranger-flatulence do dampen my enthusiasm somewhat.

N            If you could meet one person in all the world, who would it be and why?

A            I LOVE Tina Turner.  I find her incredible.  She has this amazing stage presence, incredible physique, rough sexy exterior, incredible power and yet is one of the most eloquently spoken women I’ve ever seen.  I love the dichotomy of it all.

N            I LOVE that you love Tina Turner. Great biceps. And great hair. 

            Of course, you can’t forget the hair.

N            Are you scared of heights? Slightly left-field question, but my husband wants us both to go skydiving, but I’m vehemently refusing. I’m terrified. I would pee my pants and pass out. At the same time.  

A            I’m not scared of heights, but I am scared of the dark which is even more embarrassing! 

I was robbed in the middle of the night whilst sleeping in a hostel in Hervey Bay – he fell over before charging out of my room and my gut instinct was to chase.  I chased him alright and caught him and let him have it.  He went to prison, I got everything back including a watch a dear friend of mine had had stolen when she was staying there – it was her grandmother’s heirloom watch. 

Long story short – I think that memory has stuck in my brain as when it all became a little clearer in the morning I was petrified.

N            Wow. Can’t think what else to say, except don’t stay in the hostel in Hervey Bay.

N            As a new mum, I’m on an awesome ride of fatigue, joy, madness, steep, steep learning and utter bewilderment. Does this sound like how you felt when you started your business? Any survival tips for those embarking on a similar journey?

A            I still feel that way – I call it the roller coaster. For me, I’m very lucky that I have a team of people that can see outside the roller coaster.  Sometimes, I’m stuck in it at warp speed and can’t see the outside and feel so many highs and lows.

I also believe in reflection – although this is one of my greatest weaknesses.  Reflect on your recent achievements – and see how far you’ve come along the path to where you’re going allows you to ease into the future.

N            There you have it folks. A few teaser tips about leadership from one of Australia's best, Andrea Culligan.

For more tales of how Miss Q leads her mother in a merry dance, stick to this blog, but if you'd like to know and understand how it's really done, head on over to the Women, Management and Work Conference. 

These ladies really know what they're on about.

Thanks for chatting Andrea, and good luck with that biathlon. 

Not that I'm suggesting Andrea looks like this or points her finger. Q would if she knew how.

THE THREE WISE MEN AND WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS KEEP TALKING TO YOUR FAMILY

Thank heavens I haven’t cut off my family. 

This morning I had to do a spot of vocal coaching for a gaggle of girls who have made it through to the second round of auditions for Annie.

The very same Annie I auditioned for and still haven’t heard about, which probably means I didn’t get it, because – let’s face it – they’re not going to call and say;

‘gee Naomi, we’re sorry. You came so close and all, but we decided to go with the shorter, skinnier, younger, who-knows-what-er standing next to you instead.’

Which is a terrible shame, because it would have been so nice to tread the boards again. Particularly with a gig in my homeland, with a baby barely over a year old who wouldn’t even know I was gone, because she’d be sleeping like the perfect child she is.

Unfortunately this perfect child couldn’t come with me to the coachings because she seems to think that everyone she comes across is there for her joy, entertainment and every wish and whim, which is fine most of the time because she usually comes across me, and that’s exactly what I am there to do.

But since Gregory works on Saturday, I was forced to call in the eldest of the three wise men.

The three wise men being my three brothers, though no one asked me if I thought that was an appropriate name for them.

The eldest wise man also comes with a delightful wife, but no children as yet, and I was rather worried Miss Q might halt them in that department entirely.

But like the true performer she is, she charmed them shamelessly and turned the waterworks on only when I was an extra half hour late because every time I go to the eastern suburbs, I come home a new and longer way, this time driving through the city which was so dumb and saw me sit at a set of lights for four rounds before I managed to get through.

Tomorrow I’m going to a course run by Dan Kaufman at the NSW Writer's Centre which I’m so excited about I can hardly stand myself.

Normally, Gregory has Sundays off, so we had it all arranged that he and Miss Q would meet me for lunch in the grounds so I could sip on a cup of coffee and Miss Q could sip on my boob.

Now Gregory has to work tomorrow so we called in the easiest recruit, the one always up for a task, even if it’s a crap one – Miss Q’s grandma, her Nona.

A trained professional, having harvested, grown and nurtured four of her own, this Nona comes with a highly developed need to organise, tidy and fold laundry. 

It's superb.

Although it’s Sunday, so we’ll have to pay her weekend rates I suppose, a bit more than her weekday salary.

Still, I can afford that.

What’s double of nothing?

THE 2012 AUSTRALIAN PRODUCTION OF ANNIE

Yesterday I did an audition with Penny Cook.

Don’t pretend you don’t know her.

Even if you’re not Australian and have never heard of A Country Practice, the show she starred in for my entire childhood and the only tv show my brothers and I were allowed to watch growing up.

It was on twice a week – Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we were only allowed to watch one night. Which meant you either knew what was going on but not how it ended, or how it ended but not what was going on in the first place.

It was very frustrating.

But such were our parents’ rules and I intend to inflict similar annoyances on Miss Q.

But I digress.

I was telling you about auditioning with Penny Cook.

By with I really mean she must have been friends with someone on the panel and had a boring day lined up, so agreed to abandon her plans and come along and be the reader at the auditions for the upcoming Australian Production of Annie.

I thought our scene went really well. 

I played one character while Penny read the other 6. 

But when you’ve been the vet in A Country Practice you can do anything.

It’s funny, I used to audition in NYC and it really was life imitating art.

I was just like those people in A Chorus Line singing ‘I hope I get it.’

Who am I anyway?

Am I my resume?

That is a picture of a person I don't know.

What does he want from me?

What should I try to be?

So many faces all around, and here we go.

I need this job, oh God, I need this show.

But here I was in downtown Sydney and my sentiments couldn’t have been more different.

Now these people behind the long, imposing desk couldn’t have been less intimidating.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still got so nervous my usual tic appeared (an erratic shake to my left leg that can’t be disguised as keeping in time with the music) but this time I knew exactly who I was and who I was trying to be.

The stench of desperation had been washed from my body.

We’d already sung for them once the day before, this was the dance call. So we danced, then a few of us were asked to dance some more and this mama in her leotard and tights was one of those four. 

The choreographer set us a bit of a leggy number and then kindly asked us to stop kicking our face and keep our kicks to knee height instead.

She had already commented that she’d forgotten to bring her glasses, and I suspect this must have been where the confusion lay.

My leg was nowhere near my face.

Mama is way too old for that.

The show doesn’t go up until early 2012, by which time Miss Q will be over a year old and may have fired me as her primary source of food.

Call time for shows is an hour before curtain, which means I wouldn’t have to be there until 7pm each night. Which (now that Miss Q has gotten the hang of this sleeping gig) means she wouldn’t even know I was gone.

It’s the perfect gig.

I may not need this show (not like I needed it when I lived in NYC – to meet the dual purpose of refilling my bank account and my self-esteem) but I’d like it.

Oh boy would I like it.