Monday, August 30, 2010


I think pregnant women look like beetles – long limbs protruding from rotund, oddly shaped bellys. This is also due to the fact that once you hit about six months, the easiest thing to wear is leggings and some sort of covering, like you did when you dressed up as a spider in book parade day.
We’re also awkward like beetles, particularly when we’re on the floor, sitting on beanbags (which I’ve now decided will not be in my repertoire of equipment for the birthing) because beanbags – like the water bed we’re sleeping in – offer no resistance so if you need to change positions you’ve got to do it with the thing your sitting or lying on constantly giving way, and having no core muscles to assist your desperate move, we end up floundering about like beetles on their backs until someone comes to our aid and heaves us over to our side.
I made this observation at prenatal yoga, which I’ve been meaning to get to for…well seven months now, but somehow other things constantly get in the way. I’ve mentioned my discontent with yoga previously in this blog, but I always follow that by stating that I know it is indeed very good for me. Yoga for the most part, is all the stretches I know I should do every day but have managed thus far without doing in my life and so continue my poor trend. Breathing, (which I’ve also been doing for 31 years now and would therefore consider myself something of an expert) and getting in touch with the universe which I always find difficult when the person next to me mistook yoga class as a chance to skip a shower and not wear deodorant.
It’s excellent though, I was so tired yesterday so after we battled through an hour of inhalations and arms stretches and other such taxing exercises, we then got to the ‘relaxation period’ where I propped my feet up on the wall at a 45 degree angle (if you’re not up the duff you can manage 90 apparently) and had myself a little snooze. No snoring, thank heavens, that’s always a little embarrassing and hard to explain since you’re meant to be tuning into the universe not tuning it out entirely, but I felt quite refreshed afterwards and once I’d gotten up off the floor – it’s so undignified, feet spread wide, arse halfway to South Australia – I waddled my newly centred self right on out of there. Still don’t know how any of that is going to help me push a human out my nether regions, but perhaps that’s next week’s lesson…

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